Loneliness and connections as a nomad
Introduction: The nomadic loneliness dilemma
Today, I want to address a topic I often get asked about: loneliness, and how the digital nomad lifestyle influences it. Loneliness is a universal experience, something we all face at various points in our lives. For digital nomads, however, it can be particularly challenging. In fact, the fear of loneliness and lack of connections is probably one of the main factors that keep people from pursuing a nomadic lifestyle.
Given that I get this question a lot, I would like to share my personal view and experience with loneliness and my own strategies for dealing with it, even though my ultimate answer might not be completely satisfying.
Setting the stage: Clarifying the scope of this discussion
I want to set a couple of premises. First, I'll focus on platonic friendships and communities, rather than romantic relationships, which present a different dimension of loneliness. I also want to specify that so much has been said and written on loneliness in the literature, the arts, and psychology. I definitely don't want to delve into that, but I would rather take a very pragmatic approach and just share my personal thoughts and experiences.
Even when we find ourselves in the middle of a crowd, we can still experience feelings of loneliness if the interactions lack intimacy, vulnerability, and a sense of understanding.
My experience as an extroverted introvert and solo traveler
Before discussing loneliness, I feel the need to specify two things: firstly, I am a solo traveler; secondly, I am an introvert.
As an introvert, sometimes labeled as an extroverted introvert, I may appear very social in group settings, yet I require my solo time and space to maintain my energy levels. I have a relatively high tolerance for limited social interactions; I am comfortable being alone and often seek out and enjoy solitary activities.
As a solo traveler, I do not have a travel partner and have never actively sought one. Upon arriving in a new place, I typically don't know anyone, so I start from scratch, building connections, exploring the social fabric, and understanding the unique characteristics and social dynamics of the community or communities on my own.
Navigating new communities: The challenges and rewards
Usually, within the first weeks, through various means, largely involving social media, exploring the area, or just showing up at places, I serendipitously connect with different people who eventually introduce me to various communities. Through repeated interactions with different communities, I can generally grasp how they function and whether they are interconnected.
Gaining entry into these communities isn't always straightforward. Depending on my time spent in a specific place, I'm not always successful in joining a community or finding the right fit. Sometimes, I opt for a more solitary experience because I need to focus on other things and prefer hanging out one-on-one with one or two close friends I've met.
Other nomads and friends, some of whom I confidently identify as extroverts, and even those who, like me, consider themselves introverts and anticipate difficulty in connecting with people for various reasons, choose different travel styles and opt into communities even before arriving at a destination. For instance, some might opt for co-living spaces to find a community of nomads and like-minded individuals. Travelers, especially solo ones, often select hostels primarily for the social aspect. Both these options generally don't suit me. Particularly, hostels don't fit at all because I need privacy for work. I typically rent an apartment or a room, usually living with locals rather than living alone.
You might wonder why I don't choose co-living spaces. It's because I feel it somewhat detracts from the authenticity of my experience in a particular place. Naturally, I have traveler and nomad friends, but I value the chance to integrate into local communities and form genuine connections with permanent residents, especially when trying to understand a place's culture.
Being a full-time nomad, I aim to genuinely live in a place, even if only temporarily. I genuinely seek to build lasting relationships and deeper connections, which might also motivate me to return to a specific place.
Is this challenging? There are many subtleties to it, and I'm not even sure I've completely figured it out. I'd say it really depends. The process varies based on the place and the people I encounter. It demands openness, patience, and adaptability. However, I find the process very rewarding as it's a continuous learning experience.
Loneliness is complex
Understanding loneliness
Loneliness is a complex emotion that goes beyond the number of social interactions we have. It is not solely determined by how many people surround us, but by the quality and depth of those connections. Even when we find ourselves in the middle of a crowd, we can still experience feelings of loneliness if the interactions lack intimacy, vulnerability, and a sense of understanding.
Loneliness often stems from a gap between the actual and desired type, amount, and quality of interactions. For instance, you might feel lonely even in a crowd if the environment is toxic or lacks empathy and understanding.
A single encounter with someone, where you can be your true self, can create a stronger sense of belonging than repeated interactions.
My take on loneliness: Authenticity and vulnerability
People often ask whether my lifestyle makes me feel lonely, and my answer is that, as a nomad, I've experienced lower levels of social loneliness. I've connected with friends and communities at a deeper level compared to times when I was settled in one place.
I believe that any feelings of loneliness I've experienced, not only in this lifestyle but generally, stem from times when I couldn't express my authentic self, which inevitably involves some degree of vulnerability. The key words here are authenticity and vulnerability.
Navigating loneliness: strategies for connection
Within my nomadic lifestyle, sharing my authentic self with people I meet enhances the depth of my connections and helps combat loneliness. It allows me to build relationships based on genuine understanding and support, rather than superficial interactions. Consider this: Sometimes, a single genuine connection where you can be your true self provides a stronger sense of belonging than numerous superficial interactions.
I hope this sheds some light on my nomadic journey dealing with loneliness and emphasizes how authentic connections surpass the impact of repeated interactions in combating loneliness. Authenticity, openness, and vulnerability should be prioritized in our interactions, irrespective of frequency. Meaningful relationships aren't solely based on time spent together but on the depth of understanding and authenticity shared.
The importance of non-judgmental interactions
When I arrive somewhere, I strive to be non-judgmental and approachable. Being myself without prejudice allows me to relate to various people, attracting those who resonate with me naturally. Friendship and its different facets are topics I'll cover in another post.
Balancing social interaction and solitude
As an extroverted introvert, I've faced overstimulation and burnout from excessive social interaction at times. Recognizing my need for personal space and solo time is crucial. Despite appearing social, I cherish moments of solitude. Finding balance is essential.
Embracing loneliness
Lastly, when I feel lonely, I accept it as part of the human experience. I practice self-reflection, embracing discomfort, and focusing on personal growth during these moments.
Concluding thoughts
In conclusion, loneliness is a complex emotion that touches us all at some point. It’s not a reflection of our worth or likability. It's a natural human emotion that we all experience from time to time. While my nomadic lifestyle presents unique challenges, I believe it has actually deepened the meaningfulness of my connections, contrary to others' perceptions or experiences. However, this doesn't mean that I don't feel lonely. Even though I can easily meet my social needs while being nomadic, I still experience emotional and other types of loneliness at times. Yet, I've managed to cope by building a strong support network and focusing on personal growth and self-reflection.